


Bloody Knuckles and Insecurity Fueled Breakdowns

by cxsmictragedy



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Author Projecting onto Richie Tozier, Insecure Richie Tozier, M/M, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25168435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxsmictragedy/pseuds/cxsmictragedy
Summary: In which Richie Tozier has a breakdown in his bathroom and Eddie Kaspbrak finds him.Prompt: “I can’t get anything right.”
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 81





	Bloody Knuckles and Insecurity Fueled Breakdowns

It was one of those days. Even though Richie Tozier had just awoken from his slumber, he could already feel the numbness in his body, ripping into his soul and embedding his mind with worry. The doubts and insecurities present themselves more prominently as he got ready for the day, screaming for his attention.

It felt like he couldn't breathe on those days, that he could swim upwards all he wished and never hit the surface. He would never be able to breathe freely again.

On those days, Richie knows his smile will be forced, holding just enough faux sincerity for him to float by. He knows that throughout the day he'll have to joke as if nothing is wrong, letting the arrogance and nonsense flow out of his mouth as if his insecurities weren't eating up his insides.

On those days, he knows what it's like to hate himself.

Sometimes, his smile is a bit too worn and he can't keep it up anymore. Sometimes he needs an escape in the form of toxic smoke filling his lungs as tears flow down his face when he should be in class. It would get to be too much, letting out the pent up anxiety and self-hatred he held. On _those_ days, he hates himself for being weak.

Sometimes he does smile genuinely, though. Some days he doesn't get the urge to cry and come unraveled. On those days, he smiles as Stanley passionately talks about a new bird he researched, along with Ben's randomly stored information chipping into the conversation. He laughs when Eddie doesn't protest to the nickname of 'Eds' and instead wraps an arm around his shoulders. He makes fun of Bill's stutter and the boy flares back with a loving expression. And when he does light up a cigarette in the back parking lot, Beverly Marsh was there to make him feel loved.

That didn't mean he was free, though. His insecurities were still lurking in the creases they had retreated to, getting ready to pounce when Richie least expected. It lets him taste freedom, then traps him once more. On those days, Richie feared that his insecurities defined him. That those insecurities would be all he'd ever have.

_It was one of those days._

Richie has his head against the bathroom wall, tears streaming down his cheeks in sporadic patterns. The boy didn't know when life had become so fucked up for him, it just had, and he didn't know how to fix it. He found it pathetic; a seventeen year old boy hiding away in an empty house to cry.

One moment he had been fine, dancing around his room to his vinyl collection, waiting for Eddie to come over, until he caught his reflection in a mirror. It was idiotic, but when he looked at himself, he saw his father's face. His dark and haunted eyes, his curls obscuring his view at times, and an unsmiling expression.

If his face was already growing into his father's, he feared his personality would, too. All his doubts and worries about the future came rushing at him at once, the internalized hatred and fear tearing out any way they could, through echoed sobs and salty tears cascading down his face. _He really was pathetic, wasn't he?_

That's when he heard his voice, and remembered why he had been in his room dancing to vinyl. Eddie was on his way, and now he was there, about to see the infamous trashmouth spewing out terrible explanations for his puffy eyes and bleeding knuckles.

Richie quickly stood, furiously wiping the tears from his eyes with his bath towel, and splashed some cold water on his face. He heard Eddie call his name once again, and he cursed. “One second, Eds, I’m uh, changing!”

He rinsed his bleeding knuckles off in the cold water, wincing as it touched his cuts.

“You should probably disinfect that first,” a voice said from the doorway, tense and gentle at the same time. Richie’s body tensed, trying not to let his eyes catch Eddie’s in the reflective surface. “What happened, Rich?”

“Nothing,” he muttered, about to spit out a meaningless joke when Eddie silenced him with a narrowed gaze. He sighed. “Sometimes I just feel like—I don’t know. Like I can’t get anything right. Like no matter what I do, I’m bound to fuck it up.”

Eddie’s hand reached out to touch Richie’s cheek, causing him to nuzzle into the touch. The lack of attention the boy got as a child made him long for affection, even if it was as simple as a comforting touch.

“Rich, you don’t fuck anything up,” he said softly, looking into the boy’s bespectacled eyes, “You make my day whenever I’m with you. You know how to make me happy. You make me want to—You’re just so amazing, Richie Tozier, and I wish you could see that too.”

“I make you want to what?” he teased, pulling his hand off his face and into his. Eddie looked away from him, his cheeks turning a bright red. “Oh, come on, Spaghetti. You can’t leave a guy hanging. I want to know what this trashmouth make you want to—”

Richie was cut off by a short kiss being pressed to his lips. He smiled giddily as Eddie’s eyes widened, and pulled his body completely from Richie’s embrace. “I, uh, have to go.”

Richie seized his wrist, pulling him back to his body lightly. “You’re not allowed to kiss me and leave, Eds. I think I need another demonstration of what you want to do to my trashmouth.”

“God,” Eddie breathed out with a roll of his eyes. “Why do I like you again?”


End file.
